This is so beautiful... no comment necessary. Just sit back and enjoy it!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Who Is "Good People"?
In today's issue of "Spiritual Wealth" (a newsletter I have delivered to my inbox on a regular basis) there was an article titled "Are You 'Good People?'" It was about Confucius who, despite his name having become something of a punch line over the years, was a real person (55-479 BC) with a real philosophy.
"The central concept of Confucius' philosophy is ren or benevolence. (It also means 'gentleman' in the sense of someone who behaves with authentic respect and consideration for others.) It was Confucius' view that the cultivation of benevolence leads to self-mastery and...right action."
Everyone's familiar with the fortune cookie jokes that start "Confucius say...", but there really is a collection of sayings, compiled from what his students remembered -- collectively known as the Analects -- through which he inspires us to express our better natures, reminding us that "we define ourselves by what we do in our daily routines and relationships".
In the last few years (maybe longer) there's been much focus on fostering "self-esteem" in children (indeed, in everyone) to the point that now kids get praise for just showing up at the game or doing their best on a math test. (Never mind if they actually studied or did their homework.) But as I drive to the train in the morning to go to work I see kids going to school in baggy shorts (even in the coldest weather) and unlaced sneakers; tight-tight pants and cropped T-shirts; any number of odd combinations. And one day it occurred to me that what these kids need (in the view of this old fart) isn't self-esteem as much as self-respect. Self-esteem comes from doing estimable things, behaving estimably -- you can't just hand it to someone in a package of gold stars or a pat on the head.
I think if you truly respect yourself you foster the behavior that leads to respecting others; behaving in a civil, decent manner; speaking appropriately and respectfully; treating others, in other words, as you would have them treat you.
Unfortunately these days, in popular culture (especially with the advent of "reality TV"), in politics, wherever you look, the role models for estimable behavior are fewer and farther between. The "stars" of "Jerseylicious", for example, or "Jersey Shore" (oh, poor New Jersey!), or "Dance Moms"* promote a way of presenting yourself to the world and behaving in a manner that's the polar opposite of the way many of us were raised: screaming, yelling, insults, doing whatever it takes to get yourself ahead and screw everyone else... This is what passes for "self-esteem" these days, but in my humble opinion, these people suffer from a severe self-respect deficiency.
So will it change things overnight if we make the children wear long pants, shirts with collars, hard-soled shoes to school? Will the national discourse become more civil by Monday afternoon? Doubtful. It's not just what kids wear to school. It's the way they treat their parents, teachers -- even each other -- that reflects what they think of themselves, to a greater or lesser degree. I guess it's a variation on the old idea that you need to love yourself before you can love another. (Thank you, RuPaul, can I get an 'Amen' up in here?) If you respect yourself, you'll respect other people, you'll be kind, you'll have boundaries...all that good stuff. Much the way the rules of etiquette were established to make you comfortable in any situation, you and those around you.
It doesn't come cheap or easy. Like anything worth having, you need to work at self-respect. It's not swagger and bragging and mouthing off, it's intangible. But you know it when you see it, or when you're in its presence.
Know what I mean?
*I'm starting a list of "Things I Could Happily Live Without Seeing Ever Again", and the first item on the list is white women doing the "sassy black woman head-bob", as exemplified by Abby Lee, the hefty choreographer/star of "Dance Moms", in the promos for the show. I don't know what it's supposed to mean...or say... but enough!
Finally, please check out the two new favorite links to the right of this post: Rona Fisher Jewelry: Rona designs and hand-crafts beautiful, truly unique jewelry pieces; and Gilt Groupe, a site you can sign up for and receive regular updates in your email about terrific deals on (mainly) clothes, for men and women: really good prices for really unique items. I regularly get compliments on the clothes I've bought from Gilt Groupe sales.
"The central concept of Confucius' philosophy is ren or benevolence. (It also means 'gentleman' in the sense of someone who behaves with authentic respect and consideration for others.) It was Confucius' view that the cultivation of benevolence leads to self-mastery and...right action."
In the last few years (maybe longer) there's been much focus on fostering "self-esteem" in children (indeed, in everyone) to the point that now kids get praise for just showing up at the game or doing their best on a math test. (Never mind if they actually studied or did their homework.) But as I drive to the train in the morning to go to work I see kids going to school in baggy shorts (even in the coldest weather) and unlaced sneakers; tight-tight pants and cropped T-shirts; any number of odd combinations. And one day it occurred to me that what these kids need (in the view of this old fart) isn't self-esteem as much as self-respect. Self-esteem comes from doing estimable things, behaving estimably -- you can't just hand it to someone in a package of gold stars or a pat on the head.
I think if you truly respect yourself you foster the behavior that leads to respecting others; behaving in a civil, decent manner; speaking appropriately and respectfully; treating others, in other words, as you would have them treat you.
Unfortunately these days, in popular culture (especially with the advent of "reality TV"), in politics, wherever you look, the role models for estimable behavior are fewer and farther between. The "stars" of "Jerseylicious", for example, or "Jersey Shore" (oh, poor New Jersey!), or "Dance Moms"* promote a way of presenting yourself to the world and behaving in a manner that's the polar opposite of the way many of us were raised: screaming, yelling, insults, doing whatever it takes to get yourself ahead and screw everyone else... This is what passes for "self-esteem" these days, but in my humble opinion, these people suffer from a severe self-respect deficiency.
So will it change things overnight if we make the children wear long pants, shirts with collars, hard-soled shoes to school? Will the national discourse become more civil by Monday afternoon? Doubtful. It's not just what kids wear to school. It's the way they treat their parents, teachers -- even each other -- that reflects what they think of themselves, to a greater or lesser degree. I guess it's a variation on the old idea that you need to love yourself before you can love another. (Thank you, RuPaul, can I get an 'Amen' up in here?) If you respect yourself, you'll respect other people, you'll be kind, you'll have boundaries...all that good stuff. Much the way the rules of etiquette were established to make you comfortable in any situation, you and those around you.
It doesn't come cheap or easy. Like anything worth having, you need to work at self-respect. It's not swagger and bragging and mouthing off, it's intangible. But you know it when you see it, or when you're in its presence.
Know what I mean?
*I'm starting a list of "Things I Could Happily Live Without Seeing Ever Again", and the first item on the list is white women doing the "sassy black woman head-bob", as exemplified by Abby Lee, the hefty choreographer/star of "Dance Moms", in the promos for the show. I don't know what it's supposed to mean...or say... but enough!
Finally, please check out the two new favorite links to the right of this post: Rona Fisher Jewelry: Rona designs and hand-crafts beautiful, truly unique jewelry pieces; and Gilt Groupe, a site you can sign up for and receive regular updates in your email about terrific deals on (mainly) clothes, for men and women: really good prices for really unique items. I regularly get compliments on the clothes I've bought from Gilt Groupe sales.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Well, It's One Way to Get a Day Off
So tomorrow I return to the hospital to have yet another tumor removed, which I'm confident will prove as benign as the others. I've been through this particular drill many times before. The constant interviews by a seemingly endless parade of techs, nurses, anesthetists -- allergic to latex? When did you eat last? What's your name? What are you having done today? ("My hair... a trim and a hot oil treatment.") Oh, I know it's all a matter of patient safety (working as I do with actual nurses) and being sure they're cutting into the right person to remove the right thing. But after a while cracks begin to appear in my usual Zen calm and I have to work a little to remain pleasant and not cop an attitude with someone who is, after all, only doing her job, a job she probably has to do a dozen times before lunch: one sick, nervous, cranky person after another.
In the main, I don't mind it all that much. I'm out while they do what they have to do, and if I'm lucky they calm me down with a little pre-op Valium drip. It's the post-op period that sucks. There's the pain and discomfort, but I get to lounge around on the sofa, recovering, watching trash TV and eating. My boss was kind enough to tell me to take an extra day to recuperate, which means a five-day weekend.
But this time around they're going to add a little something to the procedure: after the actual resection, they're going to administer some medicine which will hopefully slow down, if not prevent, the cancer from making another appearance. It's not chemo in the usual sense -- although strictly speaking since there are chemicals going into my system to treat the cancer, it is chemotherapy. Just not the really aggressive, nasty kind that would make me sick and make my hair start to fall out, so I'd wind up shaving my head and wearing those little pillbox-style, embroidered silk hats they sell in Tibetan gift shops. (Of course, any reason to shop for accessories...)
Also this time around, I'm more acutely aware that what they're going after is cancer. I mean, the "C" word. Up to this point it hasn't had much of an impact, I guess because it's always been benign and very treatable. A small "c" problem. But this time it's the capital "C", the version of the word that usually freaks people out.
Not that I'm freaked out, really. It's still very treatable, I'm getting the best treatment from one of Philadelphia's Top Docs, I will live to see another day and, in the end, que sera sera. As a friend of mine says. I guess this is just one of those moments when something suddenly strikes you as absolutely...real, and there's nothing you can do about it. No telling what will happen. This is to be taken seriously.
And yes -- (warning: cliche alert) -- it's important to stop and:
Wish me luck!
In the main, I don't mind it all that much. I'm out while they do what they have to do, and if I'm lucky they calm me down with a little pre-op Valium drip. It's the post-op period that sucks. There's the pain and discomfort, but I get to lounge around on the sofa, recovering, watching trash TV and eating. My boss was kind enough to tell me to take an extra day to recuperate, which means a five-day weekend.
But this time around they're going to add a little something to the procedure: after the actual resection, they're going to administer some medicine which will hopefully slow down, if not prevent, the cancer from making another appearance. It's not chemo in the usual sense -- although strictly speaking since there are chemicals going into my system to treat the cancer, it is chemotherapy. Just not the really aggressive, nasty kind that would make me sick and make my hair start to fall out, so I'd wind up shaving my head and wearing those little pillbox-style, embroidered silk hats they sell in Tibetan gift shops. (Of course, any reason to shop for accessories...)
Also this time around, I'm more acutely aware that what they're going after is cancer. I mean, the "C" word. Up to this point it hasn't had much of an impact, I guess because it's always been benign and very treatable. A small "c" problem. But this time it's the capital "C", the version of the word that usually freaks people out.
Not that I'm freaked out, really. It's still very treatable, I'm getting the best treatment from one of Philadelphia's Top Docs, I will live to see another day and, in the end, que sera sera. As a friend of mine says. I guess this is just one of those moments when something suddenly strikes you as absolutely...real, and there's nothing you can do about it. No telling what will happen. This is to be taken seriously.
And yes -- (warning: cliche alert) -- it's important to stop and:
- Count your blessings
- Make the most of every day
- Stay focused on the present
- Get a grip on what's really important.
- Remember that life's too short to be worried all the time.
Wish me luck!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Weekend in the Hudson Valley
Hard to believe it's been over a month since my last post...things have been happening, changes going on, more on which later, but...
Saturday was overcast and windy and, by the time we got up there it had started to snow, that horizontal snow that makes you glad to be indoors, eating organic beef chili and hand-cut French fries, which we were at the time. We also spent several hours (mostly on Sunday which was by far the better day) strolling up and down Warren Street, the main drag, which is home to I don't know how many antique dealers and galleries and jewelry stores. (Oh, the jewelry! Good thing all my credit has shriveled up like the Wicked Witch of the West, else I'd be in a lot more debt today.) The selection is mind-boggling. It's varied - everything from thrift shops and vintage clothing stores to rare Asian antiques to mid-century modern. Bargains can be found, I suppose, but for the most part the prices -- while not necessarily outrageous -- are definitely set with an eye toward the Manhattanite with a bank account on the lookout for that perfect Empire chaise, the rare original photograph of silent film star Ramon Navarro -- so beautiful and so absolutely contemporary, you'd never imagine it was taken in the 1920's; to the rare bust of Buddha carved from some exotic Asian wood ($100,000 if not for the repair on the Buddha's face -- we could have had it for a mere ten grand.)
Oh, it's not all beyond your reach. There's plenty to be had for more mortal prices, you just have to look. And look. And go back and maybe look again. But it's all gorgeous stuff.
And good food, too. The organic chili (and Chris's organic burger) were lunch at Grazin' (717 Warren St. check out their Facebook page), the first Animal Welfare Approved restaurant in the U.S., housed in an old diner, complete with neon "Open" sign and Formica counter and booths. The beef is raised by a local farmer, who also gets his veggies (organic, natch) from local growers. Very good, if a little on the spendy side. Definitely not what you might be expecting when you see the the sleek, Air Stream exterior of the place.
We had dinner at Mexican Radio, (537 Warren St., www.mexrad.com) which was really, really good and reasonable, to boot. Try the carne asada fries: fresh, homemade French fries, topped with beef tenderloins marinated in chili and garlic sauce; cheese and guacamole, the whole thing drizzled with sour cream and queso. If I had a cardiologist... but I don't! And the place itself is fun: candles everywhere, twinkling lights, spicy orange walls, very comfy.) For a breakfast bite, a sandwich, a cuppa Joe there's Nolita (454 Warren St.) which is reasonable, simple and good!
Great places to look: Lili and Loo (259 Warren Street, www.liliandloo.com) with its two endless floors of housewares, table ware, furniture, candles, clothes and more. And all pretty reasonably priced. Tom Swope Gallery (307 Warren, www.tomswope.com) where the eponymous owner creates beautiful jewelry and sells a wide range of antiquities -- classical, pre-Columbian and Asian. We also love Hudson Supermarket Antiques (310 Warren St., www.hudsonsupermarket.com) a big barn of a place that probably was, at one time, an A&P Market or something. Now it houses various dealers with very eclectic tastes -- I saw, among other things, beautiful antique kimonos; a very nice handmade silver and turquoise ring, which I almost bought; and a self-portrait in pencil of Warhol superstar Jackie Curtis. Then there's Theron Ware (548 Warren St.) where you'll see the aforementioned Ramon Navarro photo, along with a beautiful, eclectic collection of furniture, artwork and paintings. And Naga North (536 Warren St.,www.nagaantiques.com) home to the hundred grand Buddha as well as a gorgeous collection of hand painted screens and other Asian treasure.
All in all, a great way to feel like you've been on vacation, even though you're only gone a couple of days. And so, back to work...which is going surprisingly well. More on that later...
 |
| Warren Street, Hudson, NY |
...we spent a very lovely couple of days in Hudson, NY, which is about 100 miles north of Manhattan in the Hudson Valley. (Our route takes us over the Rip Van Winkle Bridge!) Hudson is where Chris's great grandparents built a beautiful, sturdy house in 1927, a place he visited all throughout his childhood. Now, with the passing of his parents it belongs to his brother, who invited us to go up and retrieve a few things Chris's dad left him.
Saturday was overcast and windy and, by the time we got up there it had started to snow, that horizontal snow that makes you glad to be indoors, eating organic beef chili and hand-cut French fries, which we were at the time. We also spent several hours (mostly on Sunday which was by far the better day) strolling up and down Warren Street, the main drag, which is home to I don't know how many antique dealers and galleries and jewelry stores. (Oh, the jewelry! Good thing all my credit has shriveled up like the Wicked Witch of the West, else I'd be in a lot more debt today.) The selection is mind-boggling. It's varied - everything from thrift shops and vintage clothing stores to rare Asian antiques to mid-century modern. Bargains can be found, I suppose, but for the most part the prices -- while not necessarily outrageous -- are definitely set with an eye toward the Manhattanite with a bank account on the lookout for that perfect Empire chaise, the rare original photograph of silent film star Ramon Navarro -- so beautiful and so absolutely contemporary, you'd never imagine it was taken in the 1920's; to the rare bust of Buddha carved from some exotic Asian wood ($100,000 if not for the repair on the Buddha's face -- we could have had it for a mere ten grand.)
And good food, too. The organic chili (and Chris's organic burger) were lunch at Grazin' (717 Warren St. check out their Facebook page), the first Animal Welfare Approved restaurant in the U.S., housed in an old diner, complete with neon "Open" sign and Formica counter and booths. The beef is raised by a local farmer, who also gets his veggies (organic, natch) from local growers. Very good, if a little on the spendy side. Definitely not what you might be expecting when you see the the sleek, Air Stream exterior of the place.
We had dinner at Mexican Radio, (537 Warren St., www.mexrad.com) which was really, really good and reasonable, to boot. Try the carne asada fries: fresh, homemade French fries, topped with beef tenderloins marinated in chili and garlic sauce; cheese and guacamole, the whole thing drizzled with sour cream and queso. If I had a cardiologist... but I don't! And the place itself is fun: candles everywhere, twinkling lights, spicy orange walls, very comfy.) For a breakfast bite, a sandwich, a cuppa Joe there's Nolita (454 Warren St.) which is reasonable, simple and good!
Great places to look: Lili and Loo (259 Warren Street, www.liliandloo.com) with its two endless floors of housewares, table ware, furniture, candles, clothes and more. And all pretty reasonably priced. Tom Swope Gallery (307 Warren, www.tomswope.com) where the eponymous owner creates beautiful jewelry and sells a wide range of antiquities -- classical, pre-Columbian and Asian. We also love Hudson Supermarket Antiques (310 Warren St., www.hudsonsupermarket.com) a big barn of a place that probably was, at one time, an A&P Market or something. Now it houses various dealers with very eclectic tastes -- I saw, among other things, beautiful antique kimonos; a very nice handmade silver and turquoise ring, which I almost bought; and a self-portrait in pencil of Warhol superstar Jackie Curtis. Then there's Theron Ware (548 Warren St.) where you'll see the aforementioned Ramon Navarro photo, along with a beautiful, eclectic collection of furniture, artwork and paintings. And Naga North (536 Warren St.,www.nagaantiques.com) home to the hundred grand Buddha as well as a gorgeous collection of hand painted screens and other Asian treasure.
All in all, a great way to feel like you've been on vacation, even though you're only gone a couple of days. And so, back to work...which is going surprisingly well. More on that later...
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Tom & Lorenzo and Uptown Downstairs Abbey
And they say you don't learn things at work... okay, maybe they don't say that, but I learned something at work today and, like most really good things, it wasn't work related.
They've since branched out to become tomandlorenzo, a pop culture website with plenty of dish on Project Runway and a host of other "reality" TV shows, plus some favorite cult series like "American Horror Story" and "Mad Men".
I can't recommend it highly enough: it's funny, sharp, witty and very well-written. You get the feeling Tom and Lorenzo would make great dinner guests.
And by all means, when you go to their site (and you will, you know) check out the posts on the TV page about "Downton Abbey", where you'll find links to a BBC spoof of the show, populated with Brit stars like Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders, and "Sex and the City" star Kim Catrall. Or check it out here:
There's a second installment, too. Then go back and check out more of Tom & Lorenzo.
All too wonderful for words!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
What Gloria Vanderbilt Can Teach Us
A couple of nights ago I almost resigned from Facebook. Or quit or unsubscribed or unfriended myself. Over a political post by someone I know that was a pretty unpleasant rant about George W Bush and Republicans and how the mess we're in is all somehow their fault... in spite of the fact that the country was being run by a Democrat congress and a Democrat administration and things are, if anything, worse than ever. But I digress. What prompted my fit of pique was the name-calling and cheap shots and the apparent unwillingness to want to engage in a conversation, be civil -- remember after Gabrielle Giffords was shot how everybody and his brother wanted everyone and his brother to be more civil? That lasted all of about five minutes.
And looking at the responses to this entry I felt increasingly left out, apart: my Facebook "friends" all seem to think alike. I've never felt very "part of" and this just confirmed my outsider status. And on top of everything, I took this much too personally. So I posted a little hissy-fit comment and threatened to kiss Facebook goodbye. Until someone almost immediately responded and suggested I sleep on it. Which was good advice.
This morning on the way to work I was thinking about a post on this very blog from a few weeks ago, the one about the little girl holding up a hand-printed sign about Safeway, her father being fired by the cold, callous company, the billions of dollars the company made last year... all by way of showing us how those greedy Safeway bastards are ruining peoples' lives while they live the high life. The photo had been posted to Facebook at the height of the Occupy movement and, typically, everyone thought it was just great and right-on. But I took it on myself to investigate the numbers and see where those billions in profits went, to find out how much money it takes to run a national company like Safeway which, incidentally, not only employs a lot of people but feeds millions with the food it sells. I used facts to rebut a pretty simplistic statement. And along the way I made a snarky comment about the little girl and "The Bad Seed". I couldn't resist.
Then the other day I received an e-mail informing me that someone had posted a comment to the blog post to the effect that "that's my daughter, what do you want to know?" Immediately I felt terrible for having poked fun at the little girl and her picture and I started a long email apology,but then wondered if in fact that really was the girl's mother, for one thing; and if I really wanted to get into a big "thing" with someone I had never met. Still, my sense of guilt runs deep and I realized that maybe what I thought was wit was really just a cheap shot. And that maybe, just maybe, I really had hurt someone's feelings.
And looking at the responses to this entry I felt increasingly left out, apart: my Facebook "friends" all seem to think alike. I've never felt very "part of" and this just confirmed my outsider status. And on top of everything, I took this much too personally. So I posted a little hissy-fit comment and threatened to kiss Facebook goodbye. Until someone almost immediately responded and suggested I sleep on it. Which was good advice.
This morning on the way to work I was thinking about a post on this very blog from a few weeks ago, the one about the little girl holding up a hand-printed sign about Safeway, her father being fired by the cold, callous company, the billions of dollars the company made last year... all by way of showing us how those greedy Safeway bastards are ruining peoples' lives while they live the high life. The photo had been posted to Facebook at the height of the Occupy movement and, typically, everyone thought it was just great and right-on. But I took it on myself to investigate the numbers and see where those billions in profits went, to find out how much money it takes to run a national company like Safeway which, incidentally, not only employs a lot of people but feeds millions with the food it sells. I used facts to rebut a pretty simplistic statement. And along the way I made a snarky comment about the little girl and "The Bad Seed". I couldn't resist.
Then the other day I received an e-mail informing me that someone had posted a comment to the blog post to the effect that "that's my daughter, what do you want to know?" Immediately I felt terrible for having poked fun at the little girl and her picture and I started a long email apology,but then wondered if in fact that really was the girl's mother, for one thing; and if I really wanted to get into a big "thing" with someone I had never met. Still, my sense of guilt runs deep and I realized that maybe what I thought was wit was really just a cheap shot. And that maybe, just maybe, I really had hurt someone's feelings.
Some years ago I was reading, for some reason, Gloria Vanderbilt's memoir, a slim volume of reminiscences in which she talks about the hurts she's had in her life, suggesting that we all be kind to one another, because everyone is fighting a great battle: we just don't know what other people are going through.
So let's say that it's all true: maybe this little girl is going through a tough patch, her father unemployed, her mother's feelings hurt by a blog post that wasn't meant to harm anyone or give offense or hurt anyone's feelings. I can certainly see how they might not find my Noel Cowardesque bon mots particularly funny.
I don't think Gloria Vanderbilt came up with that quote about being kind to each other on her own -- it seems to me I've seen variations of it before. But the fact remains, they're good words to live by. As much as my feelings were hurt by the Facebook rant of an acquaintance of mine, maybe some stranger out there felt the sting of my "wit", someone fighting a great battle. I know I've fought my share.
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