photo courtesy harnett.org
Celia has a website and I hope whichever of my local bookstores is still in business has at least a couple of her titles.
So as many of you can get a sample of her work as possible, I herewith reprint portions of the column, "Driving and Shaving Just Don't Mix". Everything they say about the truth...is absolutely true!
"By now I'm sure that most of you have heard about the Florida woman who caused a two-vehicle wreck because she was shaving her bikini area while driving.
"Guess that makes the time you drove with your elbows while eating a Whopper seem downright virtuous, doesn't it?
"Florida Highway Patrol troopers said the car Megan Barnes was driving crashed into the back of a pickup truck at about 45 mph. Her reaction time was slowed down because she was too busy grooming her hoohah to pay attention to the road. Oh, like that's never happened to you?
"Ms. Barnes told the investigating officer that she was on her way to a date and 'wanted to be ready for the visit'.
"Yes, she wanted to look her best. All over. Except, well, we've seen Ms. Barnes' mug shot and she appears to have a face that would stop a clock... To be blunt, I don't think a perfectly groomed love rug could possibly make that much difference.
"There are so many 'You might be a redneck if' elements to the story of Megan Barnes, but my favorite is that, while performing this extremely personal grooming ritual, she asked her EX-HUSBAND to steer the car so she could concentrate. ('Help me out, Buford, I'm gonna make it look like a LIGHTNING BOLT!')
"To no one's particular surprise, the Highway Patrol quickly discovered that Ms. Barnes didn't have a valid driver's license. Oh, and the day before, she'd been convicted of DUI and driving with a suspended license. Oh, and her car had been seized and had no insurance or registration. Oh, and she was on probation. Oh, and SHE'S A FLIPPIN' LUNATIC!
"Albeit an impeccably groomed one."
Bet it made you laugh at least once. Dontcha feel better?